Become So Numb
by C.Queen
Summary: Draco has a secret that Harry and the gang are determined to find out what it is. But when they do, it's something they never expected. Linkin Park songfic


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, the song and the characters all belong to someone else and I happen to like the two works too much to disgrace them by claiming I had something to do with their greatness.  Anyway please enjoy and let me know what you think.

Become So Numb

As silent as mice the small group of people headed out of the school and headed towards the Forbidden Forest.  There were three students in the group that were in their last years at Hogwarts, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.  Along with them was Ron's sister Ginny who was a year younger then them and was leading this mission, eager to get underway while the other three faced this with a bit more caution and weariness as they were all tired from a day of classes and putting up with Professor Snape and Malfroy.

"Ginny, would you please explain to me why we're doing this again?" Ron said as he dragged his feet slightly though Hermione was dragging him well enough that he wasn't far behind the others.  It was after midnight for Christ sakes and they had class tomorrow.

"I already explain it to you, Ron." Ginny said as she sighed deeply, quite annoyed with her brother.  "Malfroy is going somewhere at night and we're going to find out what he's up to.  If it has anything to do with Voldermort we'll report it to Dumbledore but we have to find out what he's up to before we start accusing him of anything."

"The guy is a Deatheater or training to be one no question." Ron sneered at his sister, as far as he was concerned Malfroy was his father's mini, right down to that girlie hair color.

"Ron, I don't like him either but I agree with Ginny." Hermione said sending Ron a dark look though it was lost in the darkness though her voice made it quite clear anyway.  "We can't just tell Dumbledore that we know Draco has been sneaking out of the school every night and nothing more, that's like tattling."  Having reached an area where they could watch for Malfroy they huddled there and waited for their classmate to appear.

"Hey look, there he is, I wonder what that it is he's got on his back." Harry said as the four turned their heads to watch a form in black make his way to a spot right beside the Forbidden Forest where a large rock pile stood and looked to be where he was going.  The youth had a large case slugged over one shoulder that was nearly as tall as Draco and all four were intrigued.  "I always thought he was afraid of the forest."

"Guess he got over it." Hermione said as they watch the boy sit down on a bunch of rocks as though it were no big deal and this far from the school they really were all alone, no one would likely hear them if they were to scream which was not exactly a pretty picture.

"Let's get closer." Ginny whispered and nodding the four made their way closer to Draco so that they could see him easily.  He was taking a drink out of a canteen and they watched him set it down before turning his attention to the case he'd set down at his side.  Bending over the boy undid the locks and the four waited in baited breath to see what he pulled out.

Pulling out his guitar Draco looked cautiously around him but he didn't see anyone, not that anyone in their right mind would be out at this time of night, especially here of all places which was why he had chosen it.  He needed some place to go off by himself and be himself.  Not something he could do often.  Setting the guitar in his lap he pulled out a small marble sculpture of a bird that was a startling white against the darkness.  "Numb." Draco said in a clear voice and instantly the bird began to sing, or actually not really sing but provide sounds similar to a keyboard as Draco began to play along with it, his fingers moving expertly over the strings and then taking a deep breath began to sing as well as play.

Tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes...  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...  
  


Oh he was more then caught in the undertow, Draco thought darkly as he played and sang out his feelings.  He was drowning in the waters his father had thrown him into and no matter how hard he tried he never could claw to the surface and on the rare times he did he was never free for long before he was pulled down again.  Lately it was as if the waters had frozen over so now he couldn't even get the chance to breathe even a bit of air, only able to bang on the ice and long to be free.  But he would never be free-freedom was nothing more then a dream.  

  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Everyone saw him as his father, the next Lucius Malfroy, bound to follow in the old man's foot steps.  And they were likely right only he didn't want to be, had never wanted to be.  Though odds were he would end up like his old man; a cold hearted bastard with no respect for life or anything that wasn't like him.  He'd become that because the life his father had mapped out for him would force him to become heartless or it would kill him as he killed others like his father before him.  
  


  
Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
Cuz everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you...  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...  
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow...  
And every second I waste is more than I can take!  
  


But he wasn't quite what his father had tried to create Draco thought with a small sense of satisfaction though there was obvious bite behind it.  He had done well in all his classes but he'd made sure not too well.  He'd pulled things that had angered his father and disappointed the man on purpose hoping that his father would give up on him but his father refused to admit that he couldn't control his own son and was determined to make his son carry on the Malfroy's dark legacy.  And who in their right mind would want to continue the damn legacy Draco thought bitterly as he pictured the things he'd seen and witnessed being the son of a Deatheater.  His legacy was one of torture, screams and blood-things his father revealed and loved-perhaps some of the few things his father was capable of loving.

  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  


Of course it could be worse, though of course he didn't have it easy like Dumbledore's precious Potter.  The little dream kid, everyone's hero and what had the bastard done anyway?  He hadn't gotten rid of Voldermort, no one could and anyone who was deluded into thinking he could was stupider then that gnat Neville.  Ha, so what if the four eyed scar head had lost his parents, so had a lot of people or in Draco's case wished he could trade in for different ones.  His mother wasn't so bad but she was so brainwashed by his father he really doubted that she'd had an independent thought in years.  She was getting to be as cold as his father though without the viciousness and underlying evilness.  It was like she'd been kissed by a Dementor almost, Draco thought with a shudder at the thought though his fingers were steady on the strings.  As though his father had sucked all the life out of her-like his father wanted to do to him.

  
And I know I may end up failing too  
But I know you were just like me,  
with someone disappointed in you..

Yup, he was most definitely a disappointment to everyone.  His teachers all treated him like he was already a Deatheater-well except for Snape but then Snape understood and treated him normally, or even with favoritism Draco thought with a small smile as he pictured the way his teacher treated Precious Potter.  His head of house understood that Potter was nothing more then an image, the boy was nothing more then Dumbledore's pet that used what had happened to him as a kid as an excuse to pull things no one else could get away with.  Potter and his two lackeys Draco thought with a smirk though there was a touch of envy in there.  Even though they were a Weasley and a Muggleborn Potter had they're loyalty and complete friendship, there was nothing those three wouldn't do for each other.  Meanwhile he had his stooges, his father's little spies and the two were so stupid they didn't even realize he knew that they reported back to his father often.  Ha, oh he'd known and that was exactly as he liked it.  After all keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.  Not that he had any friends-but then who needed them?

  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
By becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Oh well, such was the life he would lead, he was more then prepared for it and he wasn't going to go crying to anyone, that was something Potter would do.  He would tough it out as he always had and eventually he would become what everyone expected him to be..a monster.

  
I've become so numb,  
I can't feel you there

I'm tired of being what you want me...  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me... 

Slowly the song died and the song ended, the rock bird going silent as it waited for its master's next order but no orders came.  Draco sat silently on the rock as he held his guitar, staring off into space as the four Gryffindors watched on, silent partially because they didn't want to be found but mostly out of shock.  The words to the song were telling and the emotion in his voice as he sang was enough to make anyone who knew Draco to kneel over from the overwhelming shock of it all.  They had always seen Draco as wanting to become his father-not struggling not to be or even just not wanting to be Lucius.

"Wow, I would have never thought that Draco was capable of that kind of emotion.  Hatred and cruelty to the extremes maybe but I never thought that there was anything else to him." Ginny whispered under her breath as Draco began to strum the guitar though he didn't sing along and seemed to switch from song to song.  

"I never thought that I'd say this but I feel sorry for him..he never really stood a chance did he?  He was raised from birth to be what he is-he never got a chance to learn to be a good person." Hermione said as she thought back to all the things Draco has said and done over the years she'd known him.  How much of that had been him and how much of it had been Draco acting the way he had to because of his father?

Quiet for once on the subject of their arch enemy Ron didn't quite know what to say about the whole thing.  The Draco before him wasn't the Draco he was use to and he didn't quite now how to handle it.

"Let's head back, I don't think we need to say anything to Dumbledore about this." Harry said as he motioned with his head in the direction of the school where they were suppose to be.  He had a lot to think about concerning Malfroy and he wasn't about to do it here.  "I think it would be best if we didn't mention this to anyone, alright?"

"Who would believe us?" Ron said with a snort then nodding everyone agreed, too stunned really anyway to think about it.  Quietly they all left the way they had come, Draco never aware that he'd had an audience.   


End file.
